Intentions.

Overheard: 
I'm looking to settle down and get married.  If that is not your intention, I'm not interested.

I'm looking for a Long Term Relationship.  No Players.

If you are just looking to get laid, get a prostitute.

I want somebody I can trust not to cheat on me.

Doesn't it make more sense to desire marriage because a specific person makes you want to marry them? 

I'm a little uncomfortable with someone that is desiring the ACT of marriage and their vision of how married life is while I would be just one of many that could fill the slot of husband.  I don't want to get married as an interchangeable generic male, disposable and replaceable.  I only want to marry if I meet someone that I love so much that I can't bear the thought of not being with her forever.  Marriage is supposed to be a symbol of a couple's commitment at the time they were married, not a lifestyle.  There is a lifestyle that can only be had by being married or with the equivalent relationship, as in living together as a union of two people, but to marry based primarily on the notion is not good. 

The prophesy of wanting to marry or have a long term relationship without a specific male being the cause of that desire, makes us men be merely pawns.   We’d much rather be the CAUSE of you wanting to go further.  Imagine someone writing, "I want someone that to have sex every day."  Shouldn't the want for sex be about the person and not the act?

These should not even be on the same selection list.  They are about two different things.  One describes the 1st encounter and how it is to be treated (a date).  The other describes a desire to be with someone exclusively, without consideration for who that person is.

Bad Habits / show stoppers.
 

Rules.
If you’ve got a set of rules, know what you’re saying.  Most of the rules I’ve seen are pretty stupid:  No cheaters.  No players,  No Liars. 

There are some that write in their profiles a habit or two that if you have it, go away, a show-stopping issue.  Newsflash.  But what if that was their ONLY flaw, and the rest, oh my GOD, so PERFECT!  Be careful.  Taking care of your health or drug use or smokers or those that don’t work out regularly or the moral observers?   Every condition is unique, every circumstance a bit different.

Everybody does stuff for a perceived benefit, often at the detriment of something else.  Hey, cheeto stuffing, chip munching, couch potato, sun tanning, wine drinking, sugar sprinkling, aspirin popping, Nyquil drinking, elevator for 2 floor taking, soda sucking, cosmetic applying, fuel consuming, made in a sweat shop wearing, judge and label applying, uncooperative and unpleasant fun killers, sex shaming, righteous claming, explorer driving, in case it snows 4-wheel buying,  traffic law breaking, nose picking, public farting, orgasm faking, cuts in line taking, color coordinated, resume imbellishing, shot drinking, cigarette smoking, masturbating, vibrator hiding, cyber flirting, … hypocrites:  Let people decide for themselves, you decide for you.  I’ve got some bad habits, so do you.  Pick your battles, have a reason, it better be a solid one.

Overheard, she to he.
She:  Those boobs are fake.  Don't you hate fake boobs?
He:  I know, I hate those.  They look so, uh, fake.  Because she isn't REAL.  She has to be something she isn't. 
Me:    Let's talk fake.  Makeup?  Nail paint?  Flower planting?  Teeth whitened?  Spend money for clothes that look nicer?   Perfume?  Note:  You do not smell nice.  The perfume does.  You stink.  Hence, the artificial smell you put on. Pay more for a RED car?  You have HOW many shoes?  Purses?   And YOU are going to cast the first stone?  LOL.  You'd love to have nice perky breasts too.  I'm all for it, fake is the game.  Facade, game, package, sell the sizzle.  Hint.  Nipples.  I've known men that could not take their eyes off an otherwise plain and frumpy girl JUST because her nipples were perky and on display.  Yes ladies, it can be that easy.  Ewww.  You wouldn't want to be LUSTED now, would you.
Girl with fake boobs:  I got them done for ME. 
Me:  Are we talking words here?  Is that what we're doing?  Just admit they made you look hot, and that's what you and everybody else wants too.  Don't play that self esteem game.  We all want to be desired.

Liars, players, men and women.
You are all liars, every last one of you.  To the level that it suits you.  If you haven’t lied lately, you just have not been in a situation where it would be prudent lie.

Don’t even go there about players and cheaters and loyalty and monogamy and relationships.  If you are happy where you are, and so are they, and I mean completely, you won’t go elsewhere and they won't either.  Most will do as their situation dictates, all you do is enforce the lie telling.  And yes, give a man rope and he just might skip.  Get used to it.  It goes both ways.

Drugs.
Before you repeat the mantra ... you must be joking!

Nothing will make recreational drug use a problem faster than the law.  Or maybe your protests:  That pot smoker.  That coke sniffer.  Drugs destroy families.  Let's put him/her in jail.  Now the family is better off.   Now the family will prosper.  The kids are much better off.   Or let's lock them up.  Yeah, that will help the family, and it IS the family that we are trying to protect, right?  The alternative?  Leave them alone. 

Overheard afterward:  He is doing what?  And you did what?  And that made it a happy night?  Oh.  Ours was boring.

Not me ...
You never have partaken an any illegal or immoral consumption, never drank under age or became intoxicated in a public place, tried out that cigarette as a kid?  Never? 

You know what?  None of us have done "it" since that last time.  That was the last time.

Get a degree, THEN it's OK.  Or if someone with a degree in the field SAYS it's OK.  A doctor prescribing a drug doesn’t make the drug good.  Most of them do some nasty stuff to you as a side affect, and most of the illegal “drugs” are actually all natural.  Drugs most often, no matter which kind, do some good and come with some bad.  Doctors are the biggest drug pushers I’ve ever met.  And those shot girls at the bar.

Alcohol was once in illegal drug I this country as well.  What, you drink a glass of wine on occasion?  Forget you, I know this one girl that was an alcoholic and she almost killed her kids, there’s only one way to go with alcohol and that is DOWN.  See how stupid that sounds?  Because it is stupid. 

If a person engages in a habit you don’t like, are you sure it is a show stopper?  Recall, a good chunk of the American government, your friends and family, and most of our nation's athletes and celebrities including the President himself are either current or past imbibers.  So back off on that old drug-free/disease-free thing.  As if they two are related.  Too funny how “disease” got hooked into that phrase, like it is really relevant.

Gee, how did anybody ever get this far in life without ending in up in the gutter.  Wow, it wasn’t the drugs that bothered you, it was the wild ass speculation and what you foresaw. 

Legality?  PuhLEEZE.  We all obey the laws to the extent that it suits us, usually considering only whether or not the risk in breaking a low is offset sufficiently by the reward.  I especially loved it when my ex came home one night with a ticket for 99 in a 55, drunk off her ass, and had the audacity to tell me how I’m ruining my health with cigarettes and am addicted to whatever I was doing at the moment.  "Stop right now", she said.  "Right now.  Right NOW.  See?  You can’t.  You're addicted", as I took another puff and just smiled, "Must be."  LOL.  Labels are not good.  Nor are preconceived and ill-conceived notions.

Stupid.
Stupid things YOU say.  Here’s some of my favorites:

I just want someone easy going and down to earth. 
Well, that tells me a lot.

I want a girl that likes to have fun. 
Not me, I hate fun.

I like to stay in.  Or go out. 
Well that was informative.

I can dress up, or dress down. 
Talented.

I’m honest. 
And if you weren’t, would you say so?  So we should believe you then.

I like to do things. 
Aren’t you special.

I have kids.  We come as a package deal.  My kid comes first.
Really, I thought maybe you could just dump them at the post office.  And I think I should come first, I'm bigger.  So, are they coming along on our date?

I don't want someone who just wants sex. 
What if they want sex + beer?  What are the terms and conditions. 

I’m a lady.  I have some respect for myself.  I don’t need to expose my breasts to get attention. 
I bet you can’t even define self respect.  Sounds like a mantra repeat.  And  Playboy models don’t wear makeup. They don't NEED makeup in order to look good.  Wait, they DO wear makeup.  But why?  Oh, it makes them even better.  On breasts, you should be ashamed for even HAVING breast, hide them.  Everybody said, "oh my" a few said "Slut!" and guess what?  Nearly everybody likes them, wouldn't mind a closer look, and the woman that said "slut" wishes hers looked so good.  Men, do you like breasts?  Do you advocate hiding them?  Oh.

I want someone who wants me for me. 
Sorry, you body is part of you, it’s a package deal.  You just have an attitude problem about people liking your outside.  What’s up with that?  Sounds like an inside problem.

I want a nice man/woman. 
Damn., why doesn’t anybody ever want an asshole.

I want them to be confident. 
Damn again, I wonder if she’ll think I’m confident.  I wonder if I am confident. 

I want someone who really cares about me and is my best friend.  How can someone you haven't even met yet, care about you and be your best friend?  Doesn't that come only AFTER and isn't something these potential suitors DECIDE or HAVE as a characteristic that you can use to narrow down your search?  So why did you ask for it in your profile?  This is not "describe your dream life", it is a place to define what features the person you seek will have.

I want someone that can handle me. 
So what you are saying is you are a bitch and he must tell you so.

I want a nice guy.
So all you bastards, back off.

If you don't say this stuff in your profile, you will get a bunch of insecure, jerky, closed minded, ugly, bad habit types that doesn’t care if they get sick and die.  Plus, you'll get the liars.  LOL.

Pictures.
If you don’t’ have some GOOD pictures of yourself to share, then get some, this is how the game works.  No, we don’t want to just “trust” you or take your word for it.  It’s bad enough we have to go by a photo, we all know photos are staged and easily hide or twist perspective.   I for SURE don’t want to see your glamour shots.  Who cares if someone made you look good once, are you going to look like that when I meet you?  I didn’t think so.  So what are the photos for?  Sales, marketing, and perpetuating fraudulent expectations?

If you post a photo where you are tiny or fuzzy, helloooo!  Why bother.
A photo of you with others?  Be sure to tell us which is, no, we don't like going back and figuring it out from the other photos you posted.  A picture of you with your kids is not appropriate, a man isn't going to think, now THAT'S a family for me.  Include you and your dog looking like the happy couple, that's unattractive. 

Guys with their cars and boats and motorcycles, not good.  Web cam shots.  You know the ones, where the head is all looking off to one side and up and you get that neck/chin angle?  You did look at that photo before you posted it didn't you?  And you STILL posted it?  What's that say about you.  LOL.   Old photos.  Who cares what you USED to look like. 

Head shots only. Yes, we want to see your figure, the more you hide it, the fatter we will imagine you, and no, you can't fool us by shots where you are sitting, hidden, obscured by the light or clothes, get over it, we won't change our mind just because we went through the trouble to meet, we'll be annoyed.

A Lady.
A lady in public and a whore in the bedroom. 
Your sexuality is power, it can tear a man apart, rip the fabric of families, destroy otherwise peaceful communities, has taken down the most powerful of politicians and emptied bank accounts, caused men of the cloth to forsake their creator while others suddenly find God, as in, there IS a God.  It has even caused nations to go to war. 

A lady.  Somewhere between sexy and NOT.  A little too far and the sexy side and the public loves to strip you of the lady title and slam you with a label that says you don't follow the rules and you probably give away your sex to whoever without care or go around using your sexuality to make men cower. 

The concept of Lady was invented by a MAN to strip you of that power and to squelch your agony as you transcend in age and lose the power you were told not to use.

I like ladies just fine.  My mother and sister are ladies.  And my one day daughter will be a lady.  I don't want them thought of sexually.  As though it were something dirty.  How dare you dirty my daughter, disrespect my sister, and my mother?  We know about her, that's how I got here.  Me and you are both the product of that "dirty thing".  And maybe I'd like to "dirty" you. 

I don't know, but this whole concept is confusing.  But it seems to me, the men turn and stare because they like what they see.  What about women that "act" like they are nice.  Until you get married, then become they become the nasty witch that they are!  Not always, but you must admit, women and men both go out of their way to act nicer than they are until they can set the hook.  Then men become assholes and women become bitches and all is well, nobody is happy.  But I particularly loath women that act like they enjoy sex with him, and after they get married, hey, why should you have sex, what's in it for you?  Get OFF me is the general attitude, and You PIG is what a lady calls a man who openly admits to liking sex and wanting sex.  Dog.  Animal.  Sinner. 

A lady is one who gets dressed up for her date, because after a year, it is strictly mud mask on the face, sweats, and a menstrual cycle that lasts 12 days instead of 2, preceded by the devil herself.

You say you love giving oral sex?  I don't get it then, because you don't when you are mad at me.  Why would you punish yourself for something you're mad at ME about.

What's that?  Why do I have to make what annoying sound?  What?  Oh, OK, I'll breathe in the other room.

Now I understand if he became the shadow shaven, limp thing, deaf, dump, farting and belching, disrespectful, self gratifying, dog, and generally gross presence.  I promise, I'll never annoy anyone with such disgusting ...  And if I do, point it out front and center and don't sugar coat it.

So bother genders do the act.  Accept someone forgot to tell me it was an act and I'm not acting.  Sure, I watched the Honeymooners.  So don't forget, one of these days, POW, right in the kisser. Just kidding.

Best Friends.
If you want a best friend, get one.  A husband/wife is your sexual partner, your balance, and your mate, but best friend?  You’re pushing it.  Have you heard of smother?  A bit if independence is healthy.

Average.
Everybody thinks they are above average.  Wrong. Most of you are average.  That’s what average means. 

Monogamy / Commitment.
Never ask for it or expect it. The most you can do is assume it or hope for it. Here's why:

Coercion:
If this is what the other person wants (regarding THEIR behavior), then they would already be doing it, as it is what they want.  No reason to ask.

But, if it is NOT what they want, NOW there is a problem. They are being put in a bad position.  Admitting they don't want a commitment to monogamy could seriously affect the relationship.  The other very well might extrapolate and speculate the meaning of no commitment to monogamy to the point of declaring treason and ENDING the relationship.  The couple's union is now in jeopardy.

There are two choices. 

Lie (that you want this too) and agree to it with no intention of compliance
Hey, isn't the relationship worth it?  Lie.  It is to protect the relationship.

Agree to it with intention to comply, and pretend this is what you want if need be.  And live with resentful.
 

Thus, to ask for a monogamous relationship is to coercion.  And it is also a worthless agreement.

I've never once asked any woman if she's fucking anybody else, at least not under the notion of taking inventory to see if it's just me being monogamous, and I hope I'm never asked (again)..  Because if I am asked if I'm fucking someone else, and I don't want her to know, the answer is no, and if I'm not, the answer is no.  

So after I answer, she has no more info than before she asked.  Unless I say yes, and I doubt that's answer she hopes to hear.  And I could be saying yes just because I want to let her know she does not control who I fuck.  Nothing good can come out of the answer so nothing good is achieved by asking.  So I don't ask, I don't want to be asked. If both want monogamy, they will have it without asking.

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